She was ready.

She was ready to go, but no matter how ready she was and no matter how much any of us anticipated it, I wasn't ready to let her go, just like how I was never ready to let him go.

10.19.96 Born into this life as beautiful as can be. so beautiful...

Ling Ling,

Do you remember when you used to come visit you in Pennsylvania when you were still too young to be brought home? Do you remember how I used to play with you in my lap when I was but a toddler? Remember how we used to run around all over the playground together? Do you remember that time where you were too excited and dragged me halfway across the playground?

Do you remember all those times we would walk you? Remember Benji? Do you remember when you used to come visit us? Remember the times I would come and sit with you in the basement? Remember when I used to complain to you when I got frustrated? Remember how you would stare at me with your big brown eyes? How you would roll onto your belly when you wanted to cheer me up?

Remember that last Saturday I came over to see you? Did you know then? Did you know? Did you know that that was the last time I would ever get to see your beautiful face?

Do you remember me now that you're gone? Will you remember me?

Ling Ling, you were the most beautiful dog in the world. You were the greatest friend anyone could ever have and I love you with my whole heart. We grew up together. I'll miss you so much. Please don't forget.

Sunday, January 24, 2010. She knew. She'd known. She insisted on walking through the rooms of the house. She would take lingering glances in every direction. She wasn't curious. She knew where everything was or should be. She was just trying to burn into her memory the things she would miss when she left. She'd known but she was ready to let go. And then she was gone.

I didn't know it would be so soon. I just saw her on Saturday. She walked around with me in the basement. I gave her a treat and sat down next to her while she rested in her bed. Maybe I should've known. She looked sad. But she licked my arms reassuringly. I think she wanted me to be strong. She watched me go. Other days she would stay in bed. That day she followed me to the steps and watched after me. She must've known. I should've known.

But I wasn't ready.

Monday, January 25, 2010. They found you stiff with rigor mortis. Beautiful eyes, dull. Cold. So cold. You knew you were going. You knew you would miss us. It hurt to let us go, but you were ready. You were strong to the end.

You wanted us to be strong. But how can I be? I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready when Benji left. I certainly wasn't ready when you left. Beautiful dogs... how could we let you go?

She was ready to go, but no matter how ready she was and no matter how much any of us anticipated it, I wasn't ready to let her go, just like how I was never ready to let him go. But that's how life is, right? We live, we laugh, we love, we cry, we die.

No matter how much we hang on... no matter how unprepared we are, everyone and everything has a time to go. Cry, but never forget. Be strong.

... you will be missed.

May she rest in peace. 10.19.96 - 01.25.10 おやすみ Good night, my beautiful. Until we meet again.